Relief or how we made peace with valium
Last night was one of my most difficult in caring for Chester. As we struggled to make him comfortable, he seemed to look like he felt betrayed, I am the one that was supposed to make him comfortable but wasn't holding my end of the bargain and I was so frustrated that I couldn't.
He has hated to take medications that make him drowsy and out of it. He really HATED that I had to stick an eyedropper of medication in his mouth. It was a decision that we had to make as his spasms had his limbs banging against the side rails and he was thrashing like a fish out of water. I had to increase the dose gradually until it was doubled his liquid Valium and morphine. That dose allows him to rest comfortably about 3 1/2 to 4 hours at a time. Although it was a double dose for Chester it is still half of the maximum prescribed dose. He is relatively sedated, and he talks, sings and giggles in his sleep. I can wake him but he is quite drowsy and eager to return to his dreams. After the second dose, he added the phrase "thank you" to his repertoire. He still hates the eyedropper, but when I ask him if he is ready for his next dose, he opens his mouth.
He has hated to take medications that make him drowsy and out of it. He really HATED that I had to stick an eyedropper of medication in his mouth. It was a decision that we had to make as his spasms had his limbs banging against the side rails and he was thrashing like a fish out of water. I had to increase the dose gradually until it was doubled his liquid Valium and morphine. That dose allows him to rest comfortably about 3 1/2 to 4 hours at a time. Although it was a double dose for Chester it is still half of the maximum prescribed dose. He is relatively sedated, and he talks, sings and giggles in his sleep. I can wake him but he is quite drowsy and eager to return to his dreams. After the second dose, he added the phrase "thank you" to his repertoire. He still hates the eyedropper, but when I ask him if he is ready for his next dose, he opens his mouth.
posted by Wine-Beer-Washington at 5:52 AM
3 Comments:
Bean, it is incredibly difficult to care for Chester in this transition. One part of him wants to be fully aware of what's happening; the other part wants comfort and help in transitoning. Some part of him knows that it does not matter how "conscious" he is in this body; the other part struggles to suck every last minute out of this life.
Please know that you are EXACTLY the right person to be doing this. Not only are you caring this powerful being in this most powerful of transitions, you are also taking care of all of us in the process! Thank you from the center of my being for the incredibly precise, honest, detailed posts. With these posts you are not only caring for Chester in a practical nursing sense, but also in the big spiritual picture. When we know what is going on there, we join in a big circle of support with all our energy beamed directly at you both.
I know you feel helpless and inadequate. I did when I was there, and that was months ago. You are neither. There is no right or wrong choice here. Neither you nor Chester is steering this ship. The river is carrying you both. Everything is happening in divine right order exactly as it should.
Hang on, breathe, trust yourself and know we are all with you.
Love,
Barbara
Dear Bean,
You are such a huge mama. Birthing our sweet cherub boy Chester into the next place.
Just feel your pelvis, trust your heart and follow your instincts.
You are doing good, love. Just let go love is absolutely moving through you.
Dear Chester... Hi sweet man, when I feel into you I am reminded of two time-honoured songs.
Row, Row, Row your Boat gently down the stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrilly Life is but a Dream.
And of course (in a breathless Marilyn Monroe voice)
Happy Birthday to you .. I feel like you are about to have the most beautiful birthday party.
Bless You
Love
Liana
How wonderful it could have been to share this kind of support with
Chester's family the last five months.
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