Slowing down and speeding up
Chester is sleeping now, as he has most of the day. His pain in his right arm has increased and now he has some pain in his left thigh, so he has increased his pain medications. His speech, movement and body functions have slowed way down. He did get up briefly to enjoy some french toast, honeydew melon and pickled okra. Truly a breakfast that few other than Chester wouold imagine much less enjoy, but enjoy it he did. While we helped him transfer to his bed from the wheel chair, he had another seizure. It was brief and his breathing was OK but the seizure was differnt from his others in that this time he went completely rigid without any noticeable spasms. He has not wanted to leave his bed since the seizure. He naps or lies quietly contemplating.
Today, he has been much more patient, gentle and peaceful with himself. He hasn't had any outbursts of frustration. Yesterday, he really struggled with urinary retention, in a large part due to his embarassment and frustration in trying to use an urinal. I have been generously and frequently "sprinkled". Since last night, he has only been able to urinate when he is asleep. Although changing him wears him out, he is much more accepting of using the depends than he was of fumbling with the urinal. He seems to be trying to conserve his energy for family time and letting go many of the things he used to hold on to so tightly to maintain his sense of independence and control.
He has fought using a hospital bed, catheter, stool softeners, etc. Now, things have sped up on one end as we scurry about to put things into place to keep him comfortable, clean and dry, and most importantly allow him to conserve his energy for gentle conservation, hand holding and of course, laughter with his family.
Today, he has been much more patient, gentle and peaceful with himself. He hasn't had any outbursts of frustration. Yesterday, he really struggled with urinary retention, in a large part due to his embarassment and frustration in trying to use an urinal. I have been generously and frequently "sprinkled". Since last night, he has only been able to urinate when he is asleep. Although changing him wears him out, he is much more accepting of using the depends than he was of fumbling with the urinal. He seems to be trying to conserve his energy for family time and letting go many of the things he used to hold on to so tightly to maintain his sense of independence and control.
He has fought using a hospital bed, catheter, stool softeners, etc. Now, things have sped up on one end as we scurry about to put things into place to keep him comfortable, clean and dry, and most importantly allow him to conserve his energy for gentle conservation, hand holding and of course, laughter with his family.
posted by Wine-Beer-Washington at 11:56 AM
3 Comments:
I remember in a process many years ago where Chester taught me to hold space for someone leaving.. all I had to do was sit beside them and say to them through my touch - 'it was OK to go'. I have used this practice that Chester taught me over and over again through my life. And I feel to offer this to Chester now, it was such a deep gift he gave me...
It's OK to GO Chester, I LOVE YOU and IT's OK to GO.
I want to dance for you, you are such a magnificant man.
So I reach across time and space and whisper in your ear what a blessing you have been and it's OK to go.
Love
Liana
I echo what Lianna has just said. In fact, just this past weekend she and I talked about the power of this process which Chester so loved to teach.
For those of us who cannot physically touch Chester at this time, I suggest we join together to do this touch non-physically in much the same way as we supported Chester and each other during his surgery and in the months that followed.
Our circle of support for Chester reaches around the world and into the realms beyond. It has served him magnificently thus far and I have no doubt it will continue to do so for the rest of his time in this body and after. As we connect with each other and with Chester in this circle we can provide him with a powerful send-off and provide each other with much-needed support.
(I know that many of you are no doubt already doing this. I just needed to voice it.)
I love you, Chester. I'lll see you again soon. Go with love. May your transition be the great cosmic orgasm we've always imagined.
xoxox,
Barbara
Thank you for your loving thoughts and energic embrace. Chester hasn't been involved with his e-mail but I read him the blog comments while I work on the blog. Blog comments or calling me seems to the best way now to convey your messages to Chester. Although, he is not up to talking on the phone directly, he likes me to sit next to him and listen while I talk to the caller. He nods or smiles as I convey the basic aspects of the conversation.
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