Embodying the Memory

Dear Friends,

Yesterday afternoon, a group of Chester's friends, students and family gathered in his beloved classroom. The circle was a simple ceremony of remembering. We shared stories of Chester and invocations of his teachings. Delightful food was shared, breath moved in the circle and we filled the room with the laughter, love, and heartfulness that Chester brought each day to the classroom.

My only invitation to the circle was to really remember Chester's teachings. And to remember, we must bring them into practice, embody and animate the teachings. Chester offered each of us so much, giving deep and loving permission to all those parts of us that were ready to emerge. The thing I heard the most yesterday, and indeed in all my conversations about Chester, is this: "He changed my life." With this profound recognition, we each must make a daily choice to continue breathing fully, touching with presence and grace, and relating from the truest part of ourselves.

This is my daily practice- continuing to learn from Chester as I deepen my embodiment and awaken the wisdom of my body. For this was Chester's central invitation: a relaxed, awake awareness of the vastness within.

With love,

Chrys

Typical Chester

Hi All,
A friend of mine who lives here in the Cincinnati area called me tonight. She had been at a church meeting last night, and had a message for me. There were two people at the workshop she was attending from Camp Chesterfield (even that name cracks me up). Camp Chesterfield is a Psychic Religious Grouping that has a housing area north of Indianapolis, IN. I have been there before for psychic prayer, and they have gatherings where they pass on messages from people who have passed. I have never had a message passed on to me, though I have worked with and loved many people who have passed on. They have gatherings like the guy who passes on messages on that TV show, I just can't remember his name, James somebody (I blame the lapse of memory on menopause, because I can).

Anyway, my friend Peggy told me that she had already been given a personal message and people usually do not get more than one message from spirit per session. So she was not expecting anything when the man came back to her area of the room. He said that he had a message for someone that needed to be passed on to a friend. She thought nothing of it until he asked if the name Chester meant anything to anyone. She said no one else responded, so she raised her hand and said she had a friend who just had a good friend pass from this world.

The psychic said that Chester had lingered physically, but his spirit left quickly (that seems typical of Chester - he always walked three steps ahead of me, no matter how desperately I tried to catch up... he just walked faster). The main message for me was, "I'm a lot better off than you are." My immediate reaction was to laugh, because that's a Chester statement if I ever heard one. I could just hear him laughing, and pointing at me while doing so.

I'm not one to go and get psychic readings, though I have had some powerful psychic experiences and have had a few readings in my life. I was really curious about Camp Chesterfield when I heard about it 12 years ago. I found it really interesting, but I did not have any powerful experiences there and just found it interesting. To have this message come to me out of the blue has made Chester more present to me than anything so far. I want to go visit again, if nothing else because its called Camp CHESTERfield.

My friend mentioned that she had written down the statements being made on an envelope, but she could not locate the envelope this evening. If there is anything else that might be meaningful to anyone, I will certainly pass it on. May the dragonfly be with you.

My love to all, Marilyn

APRIL 8, 1-5: A Body Prayer Circle for Chester Mainard

For the Love of the Flesh,
In Praise of the Spirit,
and In Memory of Our Friend

May the communities of Chester Michael Mainard
gather on April 8 at 1pm
to fill the legendary classroom at 4920 Telegraph Ave in Oakland
with our breath, love and gratitude.

Come share gifts of hugs, stories and songs with us.
Altar items and memorials welcome for our group altar.
Potluck food encouraged- Chester's favorites are especially welcomed (which is a pretty big category- from sushi to melons, spring rolls to cookies, Chester relished so many tastes, and so shall we!)
As always in this sacred space, your full emotions and experiences are honored.
If you are unable to join us in person, please feel free to create your own memorial to honor your expression for Chester's life and passing.

Any questions please contact Chrys directly: openhands@mac.com

On the road

Dear Family, Lovers & Friends of Chester,

I have enjoyed hearing the many ways that "Pester" has been visiting us. I am praying that his healing light continues to comfort us all as deal with the many ways that our grief has impacted us.

I am on the road back home after almost a month away. Chrys continues to gather plans for another celebration of Chester's life in California in the coming weeks. I will let her post the details as they unfold. Many of you have asked about the pictures gathered for his celebration in Missouri. Once I get home, I will put together a slide show for the web and post the link here on the blog. Look for it sometime this weekend.

In loving, calming breath,

Bean

PS Dawn had asked me to let others know about another opportunity for others to share their thoughts and memories about Chester. My apologies for not informing you until now. There is a guestbook at http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=GB000086801047

Saturday Memorial in Missouri

Aloha, All:

Bill here, blogging for Bean, who has asked me to report on yesterday's Missouri Memorial for our Chester.

I arrived at brother Dan's house at about 4 PM on Friday to be met by Chester's dad Chet and his wife, Teri. To my surprise, I was greeted as "someone we already feel we know" because "Mikey" had talked so much about me. At any rate I felt immediately welcome and "a part of the family." Bean was in bed sleeping, in part because of the sheer exhaustion of caring for Chester in the final days and partly because she had caught pneumonia. I opted to take a shower and a nap (having worked a full day before hopping on a plane in Maui, then via San Francisco and Denver on my way to Kansas City. Before napping, Chester's sister Misty arrived and I was able to say hello to her. I felt that her greeting was a bit chilly and wondered about this. I am told that after I went to sleep, Dan had arrived home and there was an apparently ongoing argument that ended with Dan asking her to leave. I was later told that the argument was about issues surrounding Chester's last days here -- and to my way of thinking, entirely the sort of thing that families go through at such a time when emotions are running high. Sad that such stresses often keep us apart when we most need each other.

Saturday was cold and gray, with even a few snow flurries. (Not the sort of weather I prefer, that is for sure). After several hours of gathering up everything we headed off to the Johnson County Fair Grounds -- and a really very nice hall with a great kitchen. We were greeted by friends from Nancy's work place (who were helping with the food) and three arrangements on the main table -- one from Body Electric (potted spring flowers and orchids in a moss covered wire basket, one from Barbara and one from Chester's "Showtime Family." We hurried to set up the computer with a slideshow of pictures from different stages of his life (Bean will revise the slideshow for the web and post it soon) and his beloved Ipod was playing some of his favorite songs. We set up a card table covered with Bean's sarong and selected items from Chester's altar lit by candles and many, many pictures of Chester at all phases of his life. And fluttering around the perimeter of the room we hung the prayer flags that had adorned Chester's room. This along with some helium balloons (We'll Miss You) transformed an otherwise stark white space into the kind of environment Chester loved and in which he thrived!

While the food was still being set out (including deep fried turkey done by Dan that morning), people from this area began to arrive. These were mostly relatives, but there were also a few people who remembered Chester from High School, or from some other youthful activity such as his Boy Scout Troop. A few have followed Chester's story on the Blog, but most were of a generation not accustomed to these "newfangled" ways. The most common comment was "I knew Michael (Chester) when he was young, but after seeing the pictures I wish I had known him as an adult."

True to the "party atmosphere" favored by our Chester, food was the main event of the day and there was lots -- all kinds of typical Midwestern side dishes were brought by the attendees to complement the turkey and ham. No one left hungry. When all had eaten and everyone was visiting around the tables, Dan spoke a few words in remembrance of his brother -- heart-felt if brief. Chester's Dad Chet had wanted to say something as well, but felt too choked up to manage it. Bean said a few words and then played as song used often by Chester in his teaching (Heaven Down Here by Tuck and Patti). And then it was over.

We packed away the food and the pictures and the mementos. Bean had made a wonderful printed "program" which quotes 2 verses from one of Chester's favorite Rumi poems:

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep . . .
We were back at Dan's by 5 PM and, I think, all of us hit by a certain "finality." Chet recounted that as they were getting out of the car the balloons "took off toward California all on their own." ("We Will Miss You" ... floating higher and higher into the sky).

Today, we are all resting, eating, reminiscing and resting again (Bean has slept nearly 20 hours!). This is certainly not the end of our Chester. But, he will not be with us in the same familiar manner that was his special touch.

Aloha nui loa,
Bill

Mainard Timeline?

I had friends at the Missouri memorial today, who tried to fill me in on events. (Others who were present will post more about that later.) But some of the details are getting a bit mixed up in the retelling of the saga of his life. I thought that the blog might be a good vehicle for sorting some of this stuff out, & reconstructing a time-line. People on this blog have probably been direct witnesses to some of the events of his life, & we can kind of straighten out details together.

He was born Chester Michael, on September 8, 1953, I believe. Since his father & grandfather were both also Chester Mainards, he went by Mike or Michael through school in Oak Grove, MO. We graduated from Oak Grove High School in 1971.

We both went to the University of Missouri-Columbia, from which I graduated in 1975, but Michael left school our junior year, it seems to me. (He was going through a lot of stuff.)

Those of you who knew Chester, or even Erik, might have trouble recognizing the Michael I first knew. He was an Eagle Scout (hand to God! I was at the ceremony & saw Blondie pin the pin on him with my own two eyes!), & in college he joined Naval ROTC. (His ROTC commander practically WEPT when he left the university!) His leaving the university was a major break -- a major change in the way he defined himself -- a time of major upheaval.

After he left school, he went over to Israel to live on a kibbutz. He was something of a seeker in those days, & at one point talked about possibly converting to Judaism. But once in Israel, he found himself far more sympathetic with the Muslim underdogs, & he ended up cutting his stay short.

Now, somebody stated at the memorial that one of his wives was Israeli, but that is not so. He had been writing to a Danish penpal named Anne-Lise Sogaard for several years. (I think since high school.) When he commented to her in a letter that he was leaving Israel, she invited him to stop in Denmark on the way home to the States, & he decided to do that. He wanted to stay & explore Denmark for a while, but he had no money. My impression at the time was that he married Lise so he could live & work in Denmark for a while, & so she could come to the States with him for a while afterwards, & they had agreed to marry on that basis. But you know how that turned out -- she wanted to stay married... Things got a bit ticklish later. (Among other things, I had sent him an urgent aerogram to Denmark telling him not to marry her -- which he had already done -- so she figured I was the enemy. But we EVENTUALLY became good friends, & corresponded for some years after her return to Denmark...)

I remember serving Michael & Lise an INSANELY spicy pot of chili in an apartment I had in the summer of 1975, when I was finishing college with a single summer term. So they were already married & back in the states by then. They both got jobs in Columbia, MO at a school for the retarded (that's what we called it back in the dark ages) -- which is where Michael first learned sign so he could work with deaf children at the school. But they separated in late 75 or early 76, because he was single in that time frame... He was still living in Columbia, Missouri in October of '76, when my youngest sister died, because he was the one who drove me back to Columbia after the funeral.

It was also some time in the mid to late 70s that he became Erik. He was plagued by the fact that Michael was a common name, & wherever he went, there were other Michaels. One year, in his college dorm there were something like 6 other Michael's on the floor...

Anyway, at one point, he was applying for a job, & the interviewer told him, "Look, we would really like to hire you, but we already have 2 (3?) other Michaels here -- is there something else we could call you?" He christened himself Erik to get the job. (I was trying to remember what Lise called him, but I didn't spend much time with them when they were together -- that enemy thing. And after they broke up, she always referred to him as Michael -- because I did?)

Erik moved to Wisconsin, but I am not good at remembering dates. I think it was probably early in 1977. (Anybody out there remember?) It seems to me that I drove up to Wisconsin to visit him with 2 friends of mine, & my best recollection was that that would have been spring in 1977. The visit was not a huge success, & we had a quarrel by mail, & did not speak for a while. (Again, he was going through a lot of changes.) I moved to Excelsior Springs, MO in late 77, & Michael/Erik called & was going to come visit me so we could renegotiate our friendship. But as luck would have it, a bad blizzard blew in, & Michael had to call & cancel that meeting, because he had to drive from Oak Grove to WIsconsin in the blizzard...

We both went through a lot of address changes after that, & lost track of each other. (Didn't help that I married & changed my name, or that I had no relatives left in Oak Grove.)

I know that at some point, he married again. All I know about his second wife was that she was Danish, too, because he joked to me that of all the people he had known, & all the places he had been, wasn't it odd that both his wives had been Danish? But I don't know her name, or where or when he married her. And when I asked him about it (while we were busy rebuilding our friendship) he didn't answer. (We had so much catching up to do that we missed some bits. Anybody know his second wife?) But neither of his wives were Israeli, & the wife he brought back from the Israel trip was definitely Danish, & he told me that his second wife was Danish, too.

I finally tracked him down through his grandmother, Gracie, when a mutual friend of ours was dying in the mid-80s.

It must have been in the Wisconsin years that he took up dancing, finished his bachelor's degree, got a Masters in counseling, started doing massage work & work for the medical school, but the telling of it to me was all kind of jumbled up & out of sequence. I would love for somebody to help me sort this stuff out. Does anybody remember dates or details?

I know that he started traveling to teach while he was still living in Wisconsin, but he kept his home in Wisconsin until it just seemed silly for it to be empty more often than he was there. At that point, my address in Sumner, WA became his mailing address. He left me a big stack of signed checks, so I could pay his bills, & I would email him wherever he was so he could tell me how much to pay on things like credit cards (where there was actually a choice in the matter.) We have lived at this address for 14 years or so, but I can't remember the exact duration of his using our home as his base. (He told me at the time that people were horrified he would trust me with signed checks, & we both laughed about it.

By the way -- I want full credit. I am the one who bullied him into getting email. He kept asking me why he would possibly need email, & I finally gave him one of our email addresses (we were on Prodigy, & had 5 addresses -- so I cheated.) During his gypsy years, he started demanding that everybody else get email, & his laptop computer became his link to many of us, no matter where he went... He joked that he was prosyletizing others as earnestly as I had prosyletized him.

The gypsy years were lovely for me, because I was homeschooling a young child, & didn't get out much, but Michael was sharing his adventures with me almost every day. (During intense patches, we sometimes emailed 2 or 3 times a day.) Once he settled down & had more of a regular life, he was busier & we didn't correspond quite as much.

I don't really remember the exact date he settled in Oakland, or the exact time he became Chester. I know that my son first knew him as Erik in the late 80s. And I know that just about the time I was able to switch from Michael to Erik, he decided he was Chester... (That's when I started addressing my emails to him "Dear You." Any of you who helped him by reading his email when he was having trouble reading, that's why the ones from me were always addressed that way.)

So help me fill in some of the details. My guess is that the Erik/Wisconsin years will be the least represented at either memorial, so the folks who know him from that period, in particular, need to keep us from messing up...

Recognition and gratitude

I want to express my appreciation for the kind words and gratitude that many have expressed to me in the blog comments, emails and phone. I am incredibly honored to have been with Chester as he passed and off and on through the last year and half but there are so many others that held him, supported him and loved him as he dealt with this illness.

I especially want to recognize the tremendous effort that his dear family expended in their promise to keep Chester at home. For six months, he lived with his brother and sister-in-law. They were the ones that fed him Dan's excellent cooking, got him dressed in the morning and got up with him at all hours of night to meet his needs. His sister Dawn, provided comfort, giggles and assistance during the day while Dan & Nancy were at work. It was Dawn that continued his hydrotherapy as long as he was able. She also took over the numerous details required of his care. His momma provide more laughter, delicious food and the incredible power of "momma Kisses". His step mother Teri and his dad drove up to provide much needed respite for days at a time. They provided lots of warm embraces, more of his favorite dishes, entertainment, support and safety for Chester. Caring for Chester was joyous, frustrating, fulfilling and exhausting work. I am just glad that I was able to help them out towards the end. Here is to all of the family and friends from near and far that lent their love, support, time and energy in caring for the cheeky one!