Saturday Memorial in Missouri
Aloha, All:
Bill here, blogging for Bean, who has asked me to report on yesterday's Missouri Memorial for our Chester.
I arrived at brother Dan's house at about 4 PM on Friday to be met by Chester's dad Chet and his wife, Teri. To my surprise, I was greeted as "someone we already feel we know" because "Mikey" had talked so much about me. At any rate I felt immediately welcome and "a part of the family." Bean was in bed sleeping, in part because of the sheer exhaustion of caring for Chester in the final days and partly because she had caught pneumonia. I opted to take a shower and a nap (having worked a full day before hopping on a plane in Maui, then via San Francisco and Denver on my way to Kansas City. Before napping, Chester's sister Misty arrived and I was able to say hello to her. I felt that her greeting was a bit chilly and wondered about this. I am told that after I went to sleep, Dan had arrived home and there was an apparently ongoing argument that ended with Dan asking her to leave. I was later told that the argument was about issues surrounding Chester's last days here -- and to my way of thinking, entirely the sort of thing that families go through at such a time when emotions are running high. Sad that such stresses often keep us apart when we most need each other.
Saturday was cold and gray, with even a few snow flurries. (Not the sort of weather I prefer, that is for sure). After several hours of gathering up everything we headed off to the Johnson County Fair Grounds -- and a really very nice hall with a great kitchen. We were greeted by friends from Nancy's work place (who were helping with the food) and three arrangements on the main table -- one from Body Electric (potted spring flowers and orchids in a moss covered wire basket, one from Barbara and one from Chester's "Showtime Family." We hurried to set up the computer with a slideshow of pictures from different stages of his life (Bean will revise the slideshow for the web and post it soon) and his beloved Ipod was playing some of his favorite songs. We set up a card table covered with Bean's sarong and selected items from Chester's altar lit by candles and many, many pictures of Chester at all phases of his life. And fluttering around the perimeter of the room we hung the prayer flags that had adorned Chester's room. This along with some helium balloons (We'll Miss You) transformed an otherwise stark white space into the kind of environment Chester loved and in which he thrived!
While the food was still being set out (including deep fried turkey done by Dan that morning), people from this area began to arrive. These were mostly relatives, but there were also a few people who remembered Chester from High School, or from some other youthful activity such as his Boy Scout Troop. A few have followed Chester's story on the Blog, but most were of a generation not accustomed to these "newfangled" ways. The most common comment was "I knew Michael (Chester) when he was young, but after seeing the pictures I wish I had known him as an adult."
True to the "party atmosphere" favored by our Chester, food was the main event of the day and there was lots -- all kinds of typical Midwestern side dishes were brought by the attendees to complement the turkey and ham. No one left hungry. When all had eaten and everyone was visiting around the tables, Dan spoke a few words in remembrance of his brother -- heart-felt if brief. Chester's Dad Chet had wanted to say something as well, but felt too choked up to manage it. Bean said a few words and then played as song used often by Chester in his teaching (Heaven Down Here by Tuck and Patti). And then it was over.
We packed away the food and the pictures and the mementos. Bean had made a wonderful printed "program" which quotes 2 verses from one of Chester's favorite Rumi poems:
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep . . .
We were back at Dan's by 5 PM and, I think, all of us hit by a certain "finality." Chet recounted that as they were getting out of the car the balloons "took off toward California all on their own." ("We Will Miss You" ... floating higher and higher into the sky).
Today, we are all resting, eating, reminiscing and resting again (Bean has slept nearly 20 hours!). This is certainly not the end of our Chester. But, he will not be with us in the same familiar manner that was his special touch.
Aloha nui loa,
Bill
Bill here, blogging for Bean, who has asked me to report on yesterday's Missouri Memorial for our Chester.
I arrived at brother Dan's house at about 4 PM on Friday to be met by Chester's dad Chet and his wife, Teri. To my surprise, I was greeted as "someone we already feel we know" because "Mikey" had talked so much about me. At any rate I felt immediately welcome and "a part of the family." Bean was in bed sleeping, in part because of the sheer exhaustion of caring for Chester in the final days and partly because she had caught pneumonia. I opted to take a shower and a nap (having worked a full day before hopping on a plane in Maui, then via San Francisco and Denver on my way to Kansas City. Before napping, Chester's sister Misty arrived and I was able to say hello to her. I felt that her greeting was a bit chilly and wondered about this. I am told that after I went to sleep, Dan had arrived home and there was an apparently ongoing argument that ended with Dan asking her to leave. I was later told that the argument was about issues surrounding Chester's last days here -- and to my way of thinking, entirely the sort of thing that families go through at such a time when emotions are running high. Sad that such stresses often keep us apart when we most need each other.
Saturday was cold and gray, with even a few snow flurries. (Not the sort of weather I prefer, that is for sure). After several hours of gathering up everything we headed off to the Johnson County Fair Grounds -- and a really very nice hall with a great kitchen. We were greeted by friends from Nancy's work place (who were helping with the food) and three arrangements on the main table -- one from Body Electric (potted spring flowers and orchids in a moss covered wire basket, one from Barbara and one from Chester's "Showtime Family." We hurried to set up the computer with a slideshow of pictures from different stages of his life (Bean will revise the slideshow for the web and post it soon) and his beloved Ipod was playing some of his favorite songs. We set up a card table covered with Bean's sarong and selected items from Chester's altar lit by candles and many, many pictures of Chester at all phases of his life. And fluttering around the perimeter of the room we hung the prayer flags that had adorned Chester's room. This along with some helium balloons (We'll Miss You) transformed an otherwise stark white space into the kind of environment Chester loved and in which he thrived!
While the food was still being set out (including deep fried turkey done by Dan that morning), people from this area began to arrive. These were mostly relatives, but there were also a few people who remembered Chester from High School, or from some other youthful activity such as his Boy Scout Troop. A few have followed Chester's story on the Blog, but most were of a generation not accustomed to these "newfangled" ways. The most common comment was "I knew Michael (Chester) when he was young, but after seeing the pictures I wish I had known him as an adult."
True to the "party atmosphere" favored by our Chester, food was the main event of the day and there was lots -- all kinds of typical Midwestern side dishes were brought by the attendees to complement the turkey and ham. No one left hungry. When all had eaten and everyone was visiting around the tables, Dan spoke a few words in remembrance of his brother -- heart-felt if brief. Chester's Dad Chet had wanted to say something as well, but felt too choked up to manage it. Bean said a few words and then played as song used often by Chester in his teaching (Heaven Down Here by Tuck and Patti). And then it was over.
We packed away the food and the pictures and the mementos. Bean had made a wonderful printed "program" which quotes 2 verses from one of Chester's favorite Rumi poems:
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep . . .
We were back at Dan's by 5 PM and, I think, all of us hit by a certain "finality." Chet recounted that as they were getting out of the car the balloons "took off toward California all on their own." ("We Will Miss You" ... floating higher and higher into the sky).
Today, we are all resting, eating, reminiscing and resting again (Bean has slept nearly 20 hours!). This is certainly not the end of our Chester. But, he will not be with us in the same familiar manner that was his special touch.
Aloha nui loa,
Bill
posted by Wine-Beer-Washington at 1:23 PM
6 Comments:
This blog is supposed to be about Chester,and NOT the otherwise private lives of the rest of his family--especially without even asking all parties involved for their permission.
maybe Bill could edit it to at least remove names?
And maybe it's just part of the story of Chester and belongs just as it is. We all understand that intense grief makes people say and do things they would never do otherwise. No one is judging. It is as it is and it's all okay.
Chester had too much respect for other people to have wanted anyone's privacy to be violated in this manner. He knowingly gave up
his own right to privacy when he gave his friends permission to write about everything happening to him during his monumental battle. However, he would not have
wanted his own family to be included without giving their own
permission.It doesn't matter if
others are "judging" or not, it's
a privacy issue.....would you want everyone to be able to watch you
ALL the time if all they had to do was promise not to judge?
I feel that is one of the great things about Chester, his ability to go into the darkness of one's own humanity and to shine light. His rosebud massage and his gentle love and tenacious awareness for the light and dark of this delicious device, the shadow is such a delicious place.
Originally Bill had a writers account on this blog and Chester encouraged him to blog in his own "say it as he sees it" style. After the celebration, I was in no shape to blog and I asked Bill to do so, as I knew many were curious about it.
If he decides in retrospect that he would like to edit the post, I will make sure that he has the opportunity to do so.
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