Healing; Hospitals and Hearts
Indeed the universe has lessons for me on health and healing. On Sunday, my "day off" of being with Chester, I found myself in Kaiser's emergency room. This time it was my name on the wrist band, my vitals being checked, and my own painful opportunity for "extreme embodiment exploration".
A severe ankle injury has had me curled up and licking my wounded paw for days. Praying for its strength and flexibility to return. Breathing into the pain, feeling into those mysterious corridors of sensation as sharp pain shoots through my leg, into my pelvis and up my spine. Asking for and receiving help from loved ones. Noticing all of the movement and mobility I have taken for granted. Holding myself in compassion. Practicing patience and conscious movement. Bringing into my body all of the lessons I have been given from my time with Chester.
Today I was given the privelege of sitting with a doctor and looking at the x-rays of my foot. The bones were strong, clean, and intact. I was mesmerized with their beauty. The flesh around the bones, however, is in revolt. The doctor's best guess is severely inflamed tendons, which is causing major swelling and putting pressure on the intricate network of nerves that runs through the inner part of the foot. She strapped me into a huge black "equalizer boot" and told me to "be easy on it" and let it heal fully. I heard this loud and clear, as this injury dates back to when I was 12 and broke my ankle in a defiant act of defending myself and my friends. I never let that wound fully heal- took the aircast off 10 days early so I could frolic on the beach. I've been walking around on a weak ankle ever since, and though I've always been aware of it, I've never fully addressed it. Now, I have the opportunity to heal it more thoroughly and bring all of my awareness to relearning to walk on this earth with both feet strong and sure.
I've missed Chester so much this week, and spent a lot of time resisting the fact that I couldn't be with him for five days straight, especially as he begins the next phase of his treatment. I've held him closely, allowing his presence to flow through me and inform my self-healing. I've resisted the temptation to delay my own healing by rushing to his bedside, knowing that he is well-held and cared for. I've told myself a thousand stories of 'why this, why me, why now' and let go of most of them, returning to the mystery of it all.
My ankle is but one story of hurt and healing. Amongst this "blog-field/circle" there are surely hundreds of stories of growth, repair, strengthening, healing, and transformation. All of our bodies are in this wild game together, dancing the cycles of growth/decay, injury/repair, life/death, gathering/release. . .
May we be Big enough to hold all of this and more!
Chrys
A severe ankle injury has had me curled up and licking my wounded paw for days. Praying for its strength and flexibility to return. Breathing into the pain, feeling into those mysterious corridors of sensation as sharp pain shoots through my leg, into my pelvis and up my spine. Asking for and receiving help from loved ones. Noticing all of the movement and mobility I have taken for granted. Holding myself in compassion. Practicing patience and conscious movement. Bringing into my body all of the lessons I have been given from my time with Chester.
Today I was given the privelege of sitting with a doctor and looking at the x-rays of my foot. The bones were strong, clean, and intact. I was mesmerized with their beauty. The flesh around the bones, however, is in revolt. The doctor's best guess is severely inflamed tendons, which is causing major swelling and putting pressure on the intricate network of nerves that runs through the inner part of the foot. She strapped me into a huge black "equalizer boot" and told me to "be easy on it" and let it heal fully. I heard this loud and clear, as this injury dates back to when I was 12 and broke my ankle in a defiant act of defending myself and my friends. I never let that wound fully heal- took the aircast off 10 days early so I could frolic on the beach. I've been walking around on a weak ankle ever since, and though I've always been aware of it, I've never fully addressed it. Now, I have the opportunity to heal it more thoroughly and bring all of my awareness to relearning to walk on this earth with both feet strong and sure.
I've missed Chester so much this week, and spent a lot of time resisting the fact that I couldn't be with him for five days straight, especially as he begins the next phase of his treatment. I've held him closely, allowing his presence to flow through me and inform my self-healing. I've resisted the temptation to delay my own healing by rushing to his bedside, knowing that he is well-held and cared for. I've told myself a thousand stories of 'why this, why me, why now' and let go of most of them, returning to the mystery of it all.
My ankle is but one story of hurt and healing. Amongst this "blog-field/circle" there are surely hundreds of stories of growth, repair, strengthening, healing, and transformation. All of our bodies are in this wild game together, dancing the cycles of growth/decay, injury/repair, life/death, gathering/release. . .
May we be Big enough to hold all of this and more!
Chrys
posted by Chrys Curtis-Fawley at 6:48 PM
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